“LIFE IS TOUGH, BUT DARLING, SO ARE YOU.”
What better way to kick start a rambling blog post than starting it off with a cracking, good cliche quote (hey, sometimes they’re cliche for a reason!) Whoever you are, whatever you do and where ever you came from, I’m sure most of us have endured occasions of unwanted negativity in our lives. Whether you were teased, victim to the bullies at school or made to feel isolated or judged at work or around friends and family – it happens to the best of us throughout our lives. It can hit you when life is seemingly perfect and bring you down like a tonne of bricks. As angering, upsetting and difficult it can be, especially on top of everything else going on in your life – life really is tough, but you are so much TOUGHER!
I did a poll on my Twitter recently and asked what your fave posts were to read and general life and advice won by far – so here’s a new personal, life experience post coming at ya! This isn’t a rant at those who have wronged (although there is a story I’ve learnt from!), calling out everyone that’s made me feel crappy or having a self pity, party. It’s about learning, discussing, accepting and growing through these experiences we all undoubtably go through. It’s a reminder that it’s okay to be upset, you don’t have to be indestructible, but know that you’re capable of picking yourself up after a bad experience. You wouldn’t be the amazing person you are today without your experiences – good or bad. So here’s to you, tough ones and hoping this reminds you all that you are kick ass, always have been, always will be.
I like to think I don’t dwell on negativity. (or at least not longer than it takes to have a little cathartic cry now and again!) Ironically, a self confessed, positivity lover and optimistic advocate is now writing a whole dedicated, blog post to the subject of negativity! You can’t see rainbows without a little rain and even stars need darkness to shine. I apologise now for the onslaught of quotes – my motivational quote folder on my Pinterest is bursting at the seems! I’m not saying we’re untouchable and no one can ever get to you – but you can pick yourself back up and learn from it. Why has this person said this? Why did they do that? Why are they trying to make me feel this way? Unless you’ve done something to noticeably upset someone or ruffle a few feathers – it’s often a problem with the other persons life that is causing your hurt, as they’re unsure of how to deal with it. I wrote here about why you should care less about what others think, something I’ve definitely learnt through realising it’s no-one else concern or reason to judge what makes me happy!
“WHAT SUSIE SAYS OF SALLY, SAYS MORE OF SUSIE THAN SALLY”
Other peoples words and actions towards you often speak more loudly of them, than they do of you. Try and remind yourself of this’d you’ll see the person behind the words, the hate or the nastiness. There is someone there and something has happened to make them act this way towards you and to me, that’s really sad to think. No matter how hurt I am or how mean someone has been, I would never feel inclined to troll someone online or make them feel in any way worthless or beneath me. Hell, even the thought of giving someone a thumbs down on Youtube makes me sweat!
When someone has made you feel crappy, you will be annoyed and feel down – that’s normal, but time heals all and your feelings will fade. Try to imagine what’s happened to make them act or speak in such a way. It helps you learn to forgive and sympathise – there’s a person there that obviously has their own insecurities, has probably been victimised themselves and doesn’t know how to deal with it. Take a deep breath, hold your head high and continue being your amazing self!
BE THE KIND OF PERSON THAT MAKES PEOPLE FEEL GOOD AROUND YOU.
Something I experienced at school made me question how aware half of these people even are of the hurt they’re causing to you. A boy in the year above me used to make me feel like utter crap, I’d never done anything to him – I was obviously someone he just enjoyed picking on, perhaps to make himself feel more validated who knows. He’d make a point of singling me out – in the queues for food, on the bus, across the road. I would try and laugh it off, ignore it or pretend it didn’t hurt in front of my friends, when I would actually come home teary eyed wondering what I’d done to deserve it.I bumped into him a couple of years ago, probably at some event around my home town. He was friendly, chatty, totally oblivious to the years of yelling at me and making fun of me or my name at the back of the bus. No embarrassment, no regrets, just total oblivion and smiles as if I was another friendly face from school, when all I saw was the times he made me feel like a piece of crap.
Maybe some people just don’t realise what they’re doing upsets us. It’s a joke, it’s funny, it’s a way to make your mates laugh. I learnt to let go after this and realise that for future incidences, maybe they just don’t realise it hits a bit harder than intended (after all if you’re like me and play totally blasé to everything, how are they supposed to know how upset you are!) People can be dicks, but sometimes they just don’t realise it, especially if no ones ever told them what they’re doing it out of order. Learn from them and be compassionate, kind to those you meet – make them feel happy after being around you.
GROW THROUGH WHAT YOU GO THROUGH
I’m a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason – the good, the bad and the crappy. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without my experiences and this is the reason I’ve learnt to appreciate the bad days, the bullies and odd rubbish comment about me, my skin, my life or anything else about me or my person. Without these experiences, I may not be as compassionate as I am, I might not be so considerate of others and what’s going on behind closed doors and I might have turned out more judgemental than I’d have liked. It’s thanks to those crappy days, feeling embarrassed, worthless or judged that I’ve picked myself up and decided who I want to be, how I want others to feel around me and realised everything that I dont want to be. Through the hard times we grow and become stronger and more incredible. If you’re going through a tough time, remember you’re amazing, strong and no one can dictate how you feel but yourself. You’re worth it, you’re beautiful, unique and you go live your life how you want!
SHOP THE OUTFIT
I hope you loved this one my beauts – I thought I’d take on board your thoughts on twitter and bring you some more life and advice posts, they’re definitely my fave to get writing! I’d love to know your stories and how you’ve learn from experiences, hate and negativity – as always please do pop a comment below and join the discussion! Always loving hearing your thoughts!
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Photography by Ben Kapur